Sexism and Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World

The book “Sexism and Sensibility.” The cover is red with the silhouette of a girl with her hands on her hips and the title over the image.

Sexism and Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World 

by Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD

“In a paper for my developmental psychology class, I mentioned how I was often accused in my family of being too sensitive and dramatic, rather than being acknowledged, as I see it now, as highly attuned to my environment. The professor scribbled in the margin, ‘That’s what people say to talk girls out of their feelings!’” (x-xi)

There’s so much of value in Sexism and Sensibility that I want to bring it to your attention. As Finkelstein says, we are in a period when equal pay protections are being hollowed out; legislatures in many states working to outlaw contraception; states are proposing ‘don’t say gay’ bills that ban teachers and administrators from supporting those students’ needs in the schools, and so more more. 

We want to raise boys who treat girls with dignity and are intolerant of sexism, so helpful ideas about raising boys are included. 

“This book isn’t about casting girls and women as victims or boys and men as villains. It’s about preventing girls from internalizing the limiting and distorting messages of our culture, and from privileging others’ feelings, perceptions, and comfort over their own. My aim is also to help us figure out what part we play as adults in both clarifying and muddying the waters for our daughters as to what’s fair and how they should expect to be treated.” (xv)

Part One: Adults Colluding with the Larger Culture

The book is broken into four parts. Part One shows how adults set the stage for gender, bias, and sexism to flourish in girls’ lives by colluding with the larger culture. We have implicit biases. We learned a narrow script when we were young and we’re still on it.

For as long as I can remember, I was told girls can be anything boys can be. I’ve never heard, however, the phrase ‘boys can be anything girls can be.’ Entire books aren’t devoted to fostering positive female qualities in boys. We must help boys see that sexism imposes limits on how they think and feel and on what they can be when they grow up. For these things to register as loss, however, we have to actually believe relational qualities like caring, connection, and cooperation are worth having, that they’re aspirational for boys, not emasculating. But that requires doing something we don’t as a culture do: value the behaviors and norms of girls and women. We can help by reading books to boys that feature girls or emotionally complex boys and be careful to avoid attaching gender to interest and abilities when we speak.” (24-25)

Even for couples who largely divide along traditional gender lines, if you’re modeling genuine respect for each other’s contributions, you can model equality. It’s essential to value each parent’s work, regardless of what that work is and what it pays (or doesn’t pay).” (17)

Part Two: Cultural Forces and the Beauty Culture

Part Two looks at major cultural forces that create and intensify sexism, and those include the beauty culture in the media.

“Perhaps the greatest resource exploited by a beauty obsessed culture is our mind. Girls who self-objectify have more difficulty with cognitive tasks. Research shows self-objectification usurps our cognitive resources, making it difficult to get into the flow states necessary for performance and achievement.” (87)

Part Three: Potential

Part Three examines common experiences in girls’ lives that teach them that they’re less deserving, that they’re less intelligent, and they’re less powerful than boys, and this, of course, keeps them from fulfilling their potential.

“Virtually every girl and woman I see in therapy feels as if they got away with something when they experience success. They bring up the term ‘imposter syndrome’ and say, ‘that’s me exactly.’” (100)

Part Four: Body Autonomy and Sexual Agency

Part Four focuses on sex and sexuality and discusses how to set girls up for body autonomy and sexual agency. I think this is the part that might disturb the censors who don’t like high school students to talk about adult topics. Please remember: teens this age—14 to 18 years old—are thinking exactly of this sort of thing and entering this sphere in their life. Forewarned is forearmed. It’s good to have an idea of how to conduct that next phase.

“We tread a difficult line between preparing our daughters for the world and instilling fear. We don’t want to unfairly color the way they see the world, but not knowing what to expect could be worse. It’s vital they trust their instincts, whether that curdled feeling in their stomach comes from a teacher‘s snide comment in class or from being approached by a carful of teenage boys. They need to know what to do when they feel their heart racing, but their feet are glued to the pavement. It’s our job to teach them to navigate bodily autonomy in a world where their bodies often don’t feel like their own and aren’t safe, to stand their ground when they need to, and to move on with grace and without guilt when they can’t.” (xi-xii)

Sexism and Sensibility has personal elements: both stories from the author‘s early life and stories as she navigates raising both a girl and a boy, trying to make sure that they have a healthy attitude towards sexuality. The book shows how difficult this is because sometimes we don’t know what to do when we know what’s healthiest for our kids, but we also know that they might be slammed in the outside culture at school and work if they don’t meet a certain cultural stereotype. Should your 10-year-old be shaving her legs? No? What if the kids at school are calling her “gorilla” because she has lots of black hair on her legs and she is being ostracized? Should your 12-year-old be wearing make up? In the dating app age, should older teens be allowed to post ‘bombshell’ photos of themselves—skinny, long hair, false eyelashes, revealing clothing? How much more are girls today pressured to look homogenous? How much of their self-esteem relies on ‘likes’? Tweens and teens who are still trying to form their identities are being scooped up by the beauty industry, which advertises to them at a younger and younger age, to see themselves as consumers and sex objects. The industry may no longer directly say that girls are flawed. However, when it uses a language of wellness and self empowerment, that’s actually what it’s doing.

A patriarchal system doesn’t have girls’ and women’s best interest in mind. Navigating such a system has always been hard. In an online world it’s even harder. Finkelstein gives lots of good examples for action. And that’s what I love about this book. Actionable items are what we all need right now.

As usual, another thing I love about a good non-fiction book is a solid index. Here I was able to look back at things I was interested in like “agency,” “consent,” and “media” to remind me of what most affects girls’ images of themselves. There’s also a solid notes section with links to many studies. 

Recommended for all parents and for high school libraries. 

Posted in bullying, Family Problems, Human Rights Issues, Mature Readers, Non-fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sometimes We Tell the Truth

The novel “Sometimes We Tell the Truth” standing in front of a wooden box on a wooden shelf.  Book cover has the title and images of a doll, a paper coffee cup, a hand, a dolphin, a Nirvana CD, a diamond ring, an ace of hearts card, a twenty dollar bill.

I was in a bookstore and saw Sometimes We Tell the Truth. On a whim, I bought it.  And while I knew nothing about it, early on, reading the second story within the story, I thought “This is ‘The Miller’s Tale’ from The Canterbury Tales.” I flipped to the back of the book to see if there was a note. There was. Sometimes is, in fact, a modern telling of Chaucer’s tales with teens as the pilgrims. Except that these pilgrims are not making a commitment to the Almighty. They are going to Washington D.C . on a six-hour bus trip with their Civics class teacher. 

Our narrator’s name is Jeff—obviously—and he has a lot of teen problems. He needs to repair his relationship with his ex-best friend (‘Pard,’ for the Pardoner); he has recently played a terrible prank on the Civics teacher who is chaperoning the trip and now feels guilty; and his new best friend—God knows why—is a total jerk who has been banned from the trip but will be in D.C. to tempt Jeff into also being a total jerk.

The group on the bus is pretty out of control. Before they even get moving, they are drinking beers on the bus and rolling the empty bottles down the aisle. Cookie (the Cook, whose tale is unfinished in the Canterbury Tales) is obviously stoned and falls asleep before finishing his story. Mr. Bailey, the teacher and the only one not to tell a tale, is stereotypically ineffectual. In order to get some control over the students, he tells them that they will each tell a story. The group will vote, and whoever has told the best story will get an A in the class. Many of the students are looking forward to going to elite colleges, so they are on board with this plan.

While the Canterbury Tales are quite entertaining, they become problematic in the setting of contemporary teens. Not because they feature sexual desire. Back in the day, my sophomore honors classes read “The Miller’s Tale” even though it includes cuckoldry and revenge. (We didn’t have national groups of scolds telling the rest of us what to do back then. The students’ parents were amused.) 

What is troublesome is that the students tell all these stories about sexual pranks and perfidy by placing each other in the tales. Students name each other as licentious, ugly, foolish, etc. They are bullying one another. While this type of bullying works with the pilgrims going to Canterbury (some of whom had not met before their journey), it’s pretty gut-churning when reimagined for teens who know one another and are on an official school field trip with a teacher chaperone. The completely useless teacher makes light objections, but always ‘allows it.’ And, recall, this is after keeping everyone on the bus even though he knows they have been drinking and one is stoned. In fact, early in, Mr. Bailey simply tells a student, “‘Oh, go on’” because he’s “totally hooked to find out what happens next.” 

The most worrisome part of the storytelling is when Alison, who appears to have a lot of sexual experience, tells her tale. She represents the Wife of Bath in Chaucer’s tales. Recall that the Wife of Bath has been married five times, is quite lusty, and makes a case for female autonomy as well as a case against the church’s notion of chastity. Her tale is the story of a knight raping a girl, being sentenced to death and then offered a reprieve.

Alison tells of numerous boyfriends, which isn’t a problem. But she begins with the story of another field trip, this one to see the Liberty Bell when she is in sixth grade. Her group is driven by the older brother of one of the girls. Alison sees that he is staring at her breasts and she comes on to him. They have sex in the car and then begin an ‘affair’ (for lack of a better word) that carries on through the summer of her twelfth year, until Jeff goes off to college.

Jeff says, “I wonder why Mr. Bailey says nothing.” Well, Jeff, so do I. Because that’s statutory rape. Alison is well below the age of consent, no matter how she acts. In all 50 states and D.C., teachers are mandated reporters of abuse, including sexual abuse. Now Mr. Bailey isn’t just useless. He’s breaking the law and possibly endangering other kids. This happens a bit more than one-third of the way through the novel. It lost me right there. I finished the book because I wanted to see how the other tales played out, but it had lost credibility. 

While the premise for this novel is very interesting (I wanted to love it), it didn’t work for me both because the students named each other in their stories and because the teacher chaperone was a stick figure with no concern for his moral/ethical and legal duties. It might work for a student doing a compare/contrast project which requires them to read a classic and then a contemporary book based on that classic work. 

Posted in bullying, Family Problems, Fiction, Grief, Literary Read Alike, Mature Readers, Over 375 pages, Young Adult Literature | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

National Book Award Longlist in Young People’s Literature

Book covers for the ten long listed books for the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature.
Courtesy of the National Book Foundation

2024 Longlist for the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature:

Olivia A. ColeAriel Crashes a Train
Labyrinth Road / Penguin Random House

Violet DuncanBuffalo Dreamer
Nancy Paulsen Books / Penguin Random House

Margarita EngleWild Dreamers
Atheneum Books for Young Readers / Simon & Schuster

Josh GalarzaThe Great Cool Ranch Dorito in the Sky
Henry Holt and Company (BYR) / Macmillan Publishers

Erin Entrada KellyThe First State of Being
Greenwillow Books / HarperCollins Publishers

Randy RibayEverything We Never Had
Kokila / Penguin Random House

Shifa Saltagi SafadiKareem Between
G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books for Young Readers / Penguin Random House

Angela ShantéThe Unboxing of a Black Girl
Page Street Publishing

Ali TereseFree Period
Scholastic Press / Scholastic Inc.

Alicia D. WilliamsMid-Air
Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books / Simon & Schuster

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How to Talk to Your Succulent by Zoe Persico

The book How to Talk to Your Succulent by Zoe Persico placed in the center of a succulent that looks like a head of lettuce and has pink shoots with pink flowers on the tips.
How to Talk to Your Succulent by Zoe Persico modeling in my own succulent, which grows happily in Southern California.

How to Talk to Your Succulent by Zoe Persico

While I usually focus on YA and adult books for high school students (age 14 and up), sometimes very edgy, I received this sweet graphic novel because I have a Substack called Be a Cactus. I so enjoyed it and wanted to share in case you are looking for something for an 8-12 year old. 

How to Talk to Your Succulent is about grief and healing. Eleven-year-old California girl Adara has lost her mother. There’s no indication of what caused Mom’s death (only referred to as ‘passing’ in the novel), but the family’s grief is clear. Under the guise of needing to help his mother, Adara’s father moves to ‘Grandma’s’ house in Michigan just before Thanksgiving. When the pair move, they bring along Adara’s mother’s many houseplants. Mom was always considered a houseplant ‘whisperer.’ 

As a way of giving her something of her own while also connecting to the memory of her mother, Dad takes Adara plant shopping. She chooses a succulent and names it Perle. Her mom had grown succulents in California; in Michigan’s snowy winter, it’s more of a challenge. In addition, Amara’s grandma has an adorable dog, Toby, who attacks plants and once was made sick by a poisonous variety. So all the plants in Grandma’s house are confined to a darkish room with the door shut. (Note to dog lovers: Toby is in no way seen as an antagonist in this book. In fact, he is often pictured being sweet, sleeping in Adara’s bed, and paying loyal attention to her.)

Adara meets a friend, but communication is rocky. With so many of her own troubles, she isn’t always a good listener. She dreams of her mother and wishes her dad would talk to her about all they have been through. Whenever she brings up the subject, he shuts down. 

Yet, there is magic afoot in Adara’s life and she realizes that someone—or many someones—listen to her. Like her mother, she can talk to plants and they respond in kind. Perle is her particular friend and a good listener. But in the shady room during a Michigan winter, Perle is visibly suffering. Adara doesn’t notice. 

Illustration of a young girl floating among anthropomorphic plants who are expressing kindness toward her.
Adara being hugged by Perle and watched over by her many plant friends.

Perle must communicate to Adara that she needs more care, but she’s afraid of hurting Adara’s feelings when she is going through so much difficulty and loss. In this, the succulent mirrors Adara herself, who needs to tell her dad how lost she feels without her mother, but who is afraid of making his pain worse.

A succulent with a human face showing expressions of hope and disappointment.
Perle has great expressions to indicate her emotional state.

Adara feels anxiety over making and keeping friends; and loneliness over missing her mother and being unable to talk to her father. Her emotional and mental state are indicated by thorny stems growing out from her body—the more she is stressed, the thicker the tangle becomes. When she is calm, they disappear.This is a smart way of indicating distress to a child reader. 

A young girl in an overcoat and with a backpack is walking with a cloud of thorny red stems hovering around her shoulders and above her.
Adara’s thorny stems at their worst!

This is a delightful story with a happy ending. The characters love one another from the get-go. They just need to help each other in their grief and loneliness through better communication. Both plants and people learn this lesson and act on it. The solution to creating a proper environment for Perle is quite clever.

My son saw How to Talk to Your Succulent on my counter and flipped through it. He commented that while working in the public library, he reshelved tween graphic novels regularly, and the illustrations were a type that is wildly popular in the genre. In addition, those illustrations are beautiful, full of movement, color, and enchanting plant life.

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Keep Sweet is here! My YA Novel 😊

My novel Keep Sweet officially launched yesterday. I also have an essay in an anthology on sibling loss and grief, The Loss of a Lifetime, which launched on Tuesday. We had a very emotional reading by the authors on Wednesday. It was recorded. You can watch and listen to the recording, which is on the book’s homepage.

Keep Sweet is about escape from a patriarchal cult. It officially launched yesterday (hello summer!). Available from the Publisher(Inlandia), Amazon, Bookshop.org, and Barnes and Noble. I handmade many beautiful fabric bookmarks. If you order the book from the Publisher (Inlandia), you will receive one as a thank you!

The cover of “Keep Sweet“ has the title across an image of a girl in a prairie dress facing sideways, her braid down her back. Overlaid in her image is a road with stark red mountains in the distance.

For Keep Sweet, we’ve had a fun countdown with the publisher, Inlandia Books. Here are some posts from this week:

If you haven’t seen the Netflix documentary on the FLDS and Warren Jeffs, I highly recommend that you do:

I’m a big fan of Laurie Halse Anderson. I previously posted about why her books belong in high school libraries.

Photo of the author (salt and pepper hair, blue eyes, glasses); the book cover of “Keep Sweet,” described in alt text above; the cover of Speak which is a close-up of a white girl’s face with gray tree branches in front of it; a photo of M&Ms; book ordering information; the text reads: “did you know …Victoria Waddle says, ‘I wanted my novel to pay homage to the novel Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. For 25 years, it has remained a staple in high school libraries, a consistent favorite with teens because it shows the importance of speaking out about sexual assault.’”

And you absolutely should not miss Anderson reading this poem!

A photo of Laurie Halse Anderson (slim white woman with long brown hair); the book cover of “Keep Sweet,” described in alt text above; the cover of “Speak” which is a close-up of a white girl’s face with gray tree branches in front of it; the text reads: On the tenth anniversary of “Speak,” Halse Anderson wrote a poem, “Listen,” using words from letters she’d received about it. Scan the QR code to watch it now.”

My post on why Speak and Shout belong in the high school library:

https://victoriawaddle.substack.com/p/speak-and-shout-why-librarians-fight

Posted in Family Problems, Fiction, Grief, Human Rights Issues, Mature Readers, Uncategorized, Young Adult Literature | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

John Green’s “Everything is Tuberculosis”

The book “Everything is Tuberculosis” in front of a scarlet star plant.
Everyone will want to read “everything.”

John Green’s Everything is Tuberculosis 

In his introduction, John Green poses a conundrum:  “We are powerful enough to light the world at night, to artificially refrigerate food, to leave Earth’s atmosphere and orbit it from outer space. But we cannot save those we love from suffering. This is the story of human history as I understand it—the story of an organism that can do so much, but cannot do what it most wants.” (3-4) Everything is Tuberculosis then works toward the uncomfortable solution to at least one aspect—one global aspect—of the problem of suffering. 

Green’s interest in tuberculosis began in 2019 when he met a young man named Henry at Lakka Hospital in Sierra Leone. At first Green believes Henry is a child because he’s so small. When he wonders aloud about Henry being so smart and well-spoken, he’s told that Henry is eighteen, but his physical development has been arrested by treatment-resistant tuberculosis. Over time, Green befriends Henry, learns about TB and dedicates himself to eliminating it. Knowing Henry changes Green’s life.

A bit of the history of TB

In Everything, Green alternates discussion of Henry’s journey to wellness with humanity’s millenniums-long battle against TB. 

TB appears to have been among us since we’ve been human. “But recent genetic evidence indicates that the story might go back much further—our species is perhaps 300,000 years old, but it seems that other species of hominids were being infected with consumption-like illnesses 3 million years ago. In fact, tuberculosis is listed in Guinness World Records as the oldest contagious disease.” (30)

Green makes many connections between cultural changes over the past few centuries and TB. Some are simply interesting: John Stetson went west in the 1850s to cure his TB and came out to invent a useful hat for the environment; New Mexico’s bid for statehood was bolstered by its becoming a destination for ‘consumptive care’; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle debunked a false cure for the disease; and women’s skirts became shorter so as not to drag in the dirt and bring along TB bacteria. Other cultural changes connected to TB are more consequential, including the view of the TB patient as a sensitive and angelic figure. The look of the dying patient—languid, very pale/white, and thin—became the ideal female look, much to the detriment of women of all shapes, sizes and colors ever since.

Humans give TB a big helping hand

Most importantly, “The infection has long exploited human biases and blind spots, wriggling its way through the paths injustice creates. Of course, tuberculosis doesn’t know what it’s doing, but for centuries, the disease has used social forces and prejudice to thrive wherever power systems devalue human lives.” (19)

That social forces and prejudice are at fault for the continued TB epidemic is the primary argument of  Everything. It begins with western empires using countries like Sierra Leone for resource extraction. In doing so, the wealth of the country is removed and there isn’t investment in the things a society needs, including railroads, hospitals, and schools. Add to this the slave trade where people could be kidnapped on their way to market their goods (so they lose economic opportunities by not doing that) and you have a society that isn’t set up to battle disease with education or resources. 

Bad social policy affecting disease continues into the first half of the twentieth century. An egregious example is the forcible removal of Indigenous North American children from their homes to residential schools, which led to the spread of TB among them. “Indigenous people were more than 10 times as likely to die of TB than white Canadians. But in residential schools, the rate was 8,000 per 100,000–meaning that 8 percent of all kids confined in the schools died of tuberculosis each year.” (85)

Even in the contemporary world, resources in place can be wiped out. For example, in Sierra Leone, the Ebola outbreak of the 2010s killed many healthcare workers. “At least 221 Sierra Leonean healthcare workers died of Ebola between 2014 and 2016, including many of the nation’s most experienced physicians, nurses, and community health workers.” (47) In addition, healthcare grants end and projects end up half-finished. But we don’t think about the consequences of all these factors.

“In my college survey course about the history of humans, I learned of wars and empires and trade routes, but I heard precious little of microbes, even though illness is a defining feature of human life.” (29)

Contagion

While we don’t learn about it in school, TB is wildly contagious. “The average untreated case of active tuberculosis will spread the infection to between 10 and 15 people per year. … M. tuberculosis is a near perfect human predator in part because it moves very slowly. The bacteria has an uncommonly slow growth rate. While E. coli can double in number about every 25 minutes in a laboratory environment, M. tuberculosis doubles only about once per day…” (34)  This sounds like it would be a good thing, but M. tuberculosis builds an unusually fatty, thick cell wall, which means white blood cells have a tough go penetrating it to find and kill the bacteria from within. And while a small minority of people will recover from TB without treatment, it generally, eventually, kills the infected. 

 Adding to the problem is that poor countries don’t have the money to effectively diagnose TB on a mass scale. In many places, including in Sierra Leone where Henry lives, TB is most often detected by microscopy (sputum on a slide under a microscope). But this misses about half the cases and particularly misses those in children. X-ray detection is much more accurate, but less affordable. 

The first-line drugs to treat TB are over fifty years old. Little research is done because there’s no large payout for pharmaceutical companies. Wealthy countries used x-rays and isolation to suddenly and significantly decrease infection to the point where people don’t even think about it. Most people who now become infected live in poor countries and don’t have the money for expensive treatments. In fact, Green points out that early in treatment, as people become better, they get their appetite back (TB diminishes it) and the antibiotics are painful to take on an empty stomach. So—patients are ravenously hungry and in pain from the meds, but don’t have the money for more food. They stop their treatment.

In all the heartbreaks of reading about tuberculosis, perhaps none has stayed with me quite like the image of a father, trying to write in his dead daughter‘s handwriting to his living daughter, in the hopes that she wouldn’t be crushed by the truth. In Angie’s father, we see the humanity of people whose lives are torn asunder by TB—a humanity that is too often denied or minimized through stigma or romanticization. He was just a father trying to do right by his kids—and then, when he couldn’t, trying to do right by his kid. (107)

All of this adds up to a failing on the part of humanity, on the part of relatively wealthier peoples and nations. Mobile chest x-rays machines can be carried via backpack to serve rural communities if they are purchased. Children will not get bone TB from milk that is pasteurized. The BCG vaccine for TB is over 100 years old and not always effective. We need research into a new vaccine. We need new treatment protocols that don’t isolate patients or force them to take their medicines in the presence of a healthcare provider, a thing which is very difficult for the poor to do (and if stopped, can cause a more resistant form of TB). 

“Is it a patient’s fault if they are too disabled by depression and isolation to follow through on treatment? Is a patient’s fault if they or their children become so hungry that they feel obliged to sell their medication for food? Is it a patient’s fault if they’re living conditions or concomitant diagnoses, or drug use disorder, or unmanaged side effects, or … stigma result in them abandoning treatment?

Why must we treat what are obviously systemic problems as failures of individual morality?” (124)

Hope

By interweaving Henry’s story into information on the history and treatment of TB, Green repeatedly reminds us that the answers to the above questions are ‘no.’ We see Henry as “a human individual who wrote lovely paragraphs and poems, who encouraged not just fellow TB survivors, but also his caregivers… as a valuable person interwoven into the one human story.” (126)

“The underinvestment in new classes of drugs to fight bacterial illness is the central cause of growing antibiotic resistance. It’s easy to blame patients or providers or pharmaceutical companies, but really all of humanity has collectively chosen not to put more of our shared resources toward new treatments for disease. Some of this can be chalked up to our economic systems—the newest antibiotics will not be prescribed as often, meaning they won’t be as lucrative as, say, developing a drug that hundreds of millions will take to control blood pressure. This is why when new antibacterial drugs do come out, they’re often priced very highly.

“But the market may not be the only determinant of human health. Instead, we could invest more public and philanthropic money into research and development of drugs, vaccines, and treatment distribution systems. We could re-imagine the allocation of global healthcare resources to better align them with the burden of global suffering— rewarding treatments that save or improve lives rather than treatments that the rich can afford.” (129-30)

High school housekeeping

Teen readers have loved John Green for a few decades now. While this nonfiction plea is a departure from his YA fiction, they will love it as well. There are many more interesting and weird connections between culture and TB—Adirondack chairs, Pasadena, CA (yes, home of the Rose Parade was founded by and for people with TB). Ringo Starr survived TB. But teens will primarily enjoy reading Everything because it brings empathy to a human problem. They might also be astonished by the practices of pharmaceutical companies such as Johnson & Johnson applying to extend their patents when the drugs should have gone generic (and thus become vastly cheaper) by trying to file and enforce secondary patents. Conversely, Green details how a virtuous cycle works and this encourages teens to become a part of one.

Bonus: John Green Interview

I am lucky to have wonderful writing companions, one of whom let me know that John Green was a guest on the Daily Show, discussing Everything is Tuberculosis. He is funny, self-effacing, and smart. Have a watch. 

John Green – “Everything Is Tuberculosis” | The Daily Show

Posted in Biography/Memoir, Human Rights Issues, Non-fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Uncultured: The Children of God Cult

The book cover of “Uncultured” has a torn photo of what appears to be a small child in a ‘Christian soldier’ costume with a shiny fake shield.

Daniella Mestyanek Young grew up in the Children of God cult (often referred to as ‘the Family’). Her experience there is horrifying. Her childhood traumas (physical abuse, rape, forced ‘sex play’ with adolescent boys, too little to eat, begging on the street and more) are so numerous, it’s hard to understand how the cult even exists. Why don’t its members run the other way?

Mestyanek Young seeks the answer through this memoir. She looks back at her mother’s participation as one of the most strict adherents to the Family culture. Mestyanek Young’s mom, Kristy, was only fourteen when she gave birth to Daniella, forced to have sex with older men. Because the group doesn’t believe in birth control (common in Christian cults—let God decide on the number of babies), she goes on to have seven more children in rapid succession. She only escapes after Mestyanek Young leaves at fifteen, determined to get a college education and then join the Army. At that point, Kristy’s youngest daughter is very ill, in need of medical treatment. The cult doesn’t put much faith in doctors, but they do allow members to go for serious conditions. While they have lived all over the world, particularly in Brazil, Kristy and her daughter are given permission to go to the U.S. for treatment. Kristy decides not to return to the cult.

Another Cult?

When Mestyanek Young joins the Army, she finds that she is in another cult of sorts with similar mind games, strict rules requiring absolute obedience, and even, for women, the constant threat of rape. 

For readers who wonder how much description of traumatic events there is in the memoir: for the first third of the book, Mestyanek Young only says things like ‘they did what they came to do.’ But once she is punished for asking a perfectly normal question about the Family’s beliefs. She is locked in a dark room, spanked more than once, raped by the ‘Uncle’ who is in charge of her discipline, and left alone for hours. She’s only nine years old, and this is a pretty difficult scene. From this point on there is more ‘in scene’ telling of traumas. I believe this is necessary for the reader to understand just how terrible the Family, and later, the Army, is. So this is not a criticism. Just a trigger warning.

Mestyanek Young reminds us:

None of it is easy to spot, these tactics that cult leaders—and many other kinds of leaders—rely upon to gain loyalty and inspire their followers. None of it happens all at once, and all of it is genuine. People don’t join cults. They join churches, organizations, communities, and groups they think will solve a problem for the world or within themselves. They follow leaders, the more charismatic the better. Maybe they’re driven by hope, or maybe it’s fear. Maybe it is a combination of the two, strengthened by the fuel of righteousness and, often, resentment. And then the logic breaks down, but we’re too tightly enthralled to these cults among us to notice.

The first rule of cults is we are never in a cult. It’s always them, not us. There is always someone else to blame: the others, the outsiders, the unchosen. And as belief builds in its followers, the less likely we are to question, the easier it is to hate, harm, even kill because we are the good guys. We are right, no matter how many signs point in a different direction or how that direction shifts with the course of the wind. (334)

The reader takes away an important lesson from Uncultured: we must always ask where the trauma, where the evil, comes from. Is it from a few ‘bad apples’ or is the institution poisoned at its very roots? This is something we often aren’t honest about. When I think of my own experience in the Catholic Church, of course there were bad apples molesting kids. But it was the structure and practice of the organization to move them around, allow it to happen and to look the other way. 

High school housekeeping


I realize that this opinion is one that might send some people over the edge, but I’ll just say it: I’d include this memoir in my high school library (but NOT in a library for anyone younger than that). My reason is that lots of young people experience abuse and blame themselves (as Mestyanek Young did as a child). In Uncultured, they can see a roadmap out of that territory of guilt and shame. And: if a high school girl is planning on a military career or even a few years’ stint in order to get an education, she needs to be aware of the culture and how to deal with it.

Posted in bullying, Faith-Based/Religious Element, Family Problems, Non-fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Undivided: The Quest for Racial Solidarity in an American Church

Book cover of "Undivided" has teh title written vertically through teh center and a white hand and a black hand on either side, reaching to touch each other.

Note: I recently read that some of the folks objecting to library collections just wanted to have their point-of-view represented. I am quite wary of this argument as it applies to book challenges and bans—there is much evidence that books are being removed for racist, misogynistic or political reasons (see my Substack “Be a Cactus” for examples and discussions). However, I’m sure there are people (including parents) who would just like to know the library is considering its religion section (particularly on Christianity) and updating it so their teens can find current works there. That’s my reason for posting several books on Christian religion recently. It’s unlikely that these books will please the book banners, but they are titles that will appeal to Christian students looking for guidance on putting their spirituality into practice. 

If you read my earlier post about the book Circle of Hope, you know that I was wondering if a church that engages in work to bridge racial divides—one that openly discusses racism and the question of how the church can make racial equity part of their mission—can survive. The Circle of Hope did not survive. Though leaders came apart over their differences, they continued to do good work elsewhere.

For Undivided: The Quest for Racial Solidarity in an American Church by Hahrie Han, I was intrigued by the publisher’s blurb that suggested the megachurch Crossroads had succeeded in combating racial injustice and managed to hold together. 

Crossroads is a racial mixed but majority white evangelical megachurch in Cincinnati. In 2016, it was a critical force in helping to pass a ballot initiative for universal preschool, providing early childhood education for the poorest, mostly Black, constituents. Author and political scientist Hahrie Han investigates how this happened in an area that voted for Donald Trump in 2016. 

Han finds that Crossroads Pastor Chuck Mingo begins the work of combating racial injustice through the church after he feels called by God to do so and gives an honest sermon about his own experience with racism (he’s Black)—experience that most of the white parishioners don’t comprehend. Congregants then participate in a faith-based program designed to foster antiracism and systemic change called Undivided. They look at their own prejudices, but also—importantly, vitally—beyond them to understand systems of oppression. 

Just as in Circle of Hope, Undivided focuses on four participants—two men, one Black and one white, and two women, one Black and one white. They are all changed at the core through the program. While they don’t all stay in the church itself, the church is huge and survives. What they learn is very powerful. It made me think: Crossroads’ success with their anti-racism program is due not only to the goodwill of the Undivided participants—Circle of Hope had people of goodwill in their anti-racism efforts—but to their curriculum. I know this makes me sound like the teacher that I am, but as you read the book, you’ll find that it’s true. 

High school housekeeping

Undivided is a very hopeful book about people with very different life experiences working to understand each other. Teens can always use that message, and Christian teens will particularly find this book enlightening.

Posted in Faith-Based/Religious Element, Human Rights Issues, Non-fiction | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Have a Novel! Keep Sweet!

The cover of “Keep Sweet“ has the title across an image of a girl in a prairie dress facing sideways, her braid down her back. Overlaid in her image is a road with stark red mountains in the distance.

Here’s the cover of my upcoming YA novel Keep Sweet. I love how it encompasses ideas from the book: a girl living in a patriarchal cult dreaming of escape. It’s a great choice for a high school library, and I hope you’ll buy it so that it reaches as many teens as possible.

Here’s the back cover description:

Fourteen-year old Elizabeth Warren lives in the “Community” with her father, four mothers, and sixteen siblings. Their prophet heads the cult, controlling all aspects of the community members’ lives. When he announces that Elizabeth must marry her older cousin, she joins forces with her twin brother, her older sister, and two good friends to alter her fate. With the prophet always two steps ahead of their plans, Elizabeth realizes she must confide the dark secret of her life.

Early Response to Keep Sweet

Jo Scott-Coe, author of Unheard Witness: The Life and Death of Kathy Leissner Whitman (University of Texas Press), says:

Family. Faith. Stability. Chosenness. Who suffers when these ideals are exploited by powerful patriarchs? Keep Sweet traces Elizabeth’s path of resistance as she navigates the Prophet’s terrible maze of expectations and discovers the shocking complicity of his accomplices within their religious community. Escape may be dangerous, but Waddle’s insightful novel shows how a young woman’s disruptive questions can uncover (and recover) surprising allies along the way. Together, they reach for—and find—a healing future where autonomy and interdependence, curiosity and kindness, can co-exist without fear.


Gayle Brandeis, author of Delta Girls and winner of the Bellwether Prize for Literature for The Book of Dead Birds, says:

What a powerful story of finding one’s voice and breaking free. Victoria Waddle reminds us we all have a Helper inside us, an intuitive force that can guide us toward speaking our own truth (often helping others in the process.) A compelling, necessary novel. 

Juanita E. Mantz – Writer, Lawyer, Podcaster and Author of Tales of an Inland Empire Girl and Portrait of a Deputy Public Defender or How I Became a Punk Rock Lawyer, says:

Keep Sweet had me mesmerized from the opening pages. Initially, 14-year-old protagonist Elizabeth is an unlikely heroine. Yet, this strong girl finds her voice and her power as she works to liberate herself and loved ones from the shackles of shame and abuse in a religious cult. Beautifully wrought and empathetic, with a unique and captivating voice, Keep Sweet should be a staple in every high school library.

Preorder

Keep Sweet is now available for preorder. It officially launches on June 21. However, if you order it from the publisher, you’ll get it in May. And I’m making beautiful fabric bookmarks as thank yous for anyone who orders Keep Sweet directly from the publisher. You can also order it from all the usual suspects.

Here is preorder link for the publisher, Inlandia Books (the Inlandia Institute, a literary nonprofit): https://square.link/u/FxW8UyW2

Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/keep-sweet-victoria-waddle/1147103039?ean=9781955969482

Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/keep-sweet/9b700ad875ee778f?ean=9781955969482&next=t

Thanks for your support!

Posted in bullying, Family Problems, Fiction, Human Rights Issues, Mature Readers, Young Adult Literature | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cherished Belonging: The Healing Power of Love

Book cover of "Cherished Belonging" is sky blue background with gold dots expanding from a circle in which the subtitle is written: "The healing power of love in divided times."

Note: I recently read that some of the folks objecting to library collections just wanted to have their point-of-view represented. I am quite wary of this argument as it applies to book challenges and bans—there is much evidence that books are being removed for racist, misogynistic or political reasons (see my Substack “Be a Cactus” for examples and discussions). However, I’m sure there are people (including parents) who would just like to know the library is considering its religion section (particularly on Christianity) and updating it so their teens can find current works there. That’s my reason for posting several books on religion recently. It’s unlikely that these books will please the book banners, but they are titles that will appeal to Christian students looking for guidance on putting their spirituality into practice. 

A bit of background on Gregory Boyle and Tattoos on the Heart

Father Gregory Boyle is the LA priest who founded Homeboy Industries and Homegirl Café. Back in 2010, I was so taken by his first book, Tattoos on the Heart, that I bought copies for my relatives for Christmas and wrote this review.

Their motto: Nothing stops a bullet like a job.

Father Boyle—“G-dog” as he is known by his homies—acts in a way that is very much centered in his faith (Catholicism) as a Christian, but is also so unusual that his story makes a startling read. And here’s why: he believes that every individual has equal value in society. And unlike most of us, he doesn’t just say it. He truly believes it. For Father Greg, there are no throw-away people. He never stops caring—and so the subtitle of this book—The Power of Boundless Compassion—is apt. When I say that his compassion is amazing, I know that the word ‘amazing’ is so overused that you may not understand what I mean. But I think it is the right word—I’m filled with wonder at the life of this man. I believe Tattoos is the best of his titles for the high school library.

Cherished Belonging: The Healing Power of Love in Divided Times

Cherished Belonging is Boyle’s fourth and most recent book. Again, he looks at how love (“Cherishing is love fully engaged. Cherishing is tenderness in action.”) is our job, how it is active, and how it resolves troubles. And again, I am amazed at his capacity for cherishing, his ability to walk the walk of genuine Christian calling. What I mean is that I only dream of being so fully accepting of others. Like many people, I’ve sometimes felt that unconditional love is beyond human capacity. But no—Boyle’s life and work disprove that. He doesn’t see anyone as ‘the other’ and everyone involved in Homeboy Industries learns that lesson. Former gang rivals who once might have wanted to shoot one another on the street now work side by side.

If it feels like people in the U.S. have forgotten the roots of Christianity, Boyle’s worldview is an antidote for the Christian Nationalism blues. This also means that many purported people of faith will not agree with the “two unwavering principles” of Homeboy Industries: 

  1. Everyone is unshakably good (no exceptions)
  2. We belong to each other (no exceptions)

He repeatedly makes the point that God’s power lies not in rescuing us, but in loving us. While he refers to Jesus often, he also sometimes uses the pronoun ‘She’ in reference to God and chides the Church for continuing “to prevent women from full inclusion.” He seems to have no concern with upsetting religious literalists:

At a house where I was leading a weekend retreat, the first reading was a story of Abraham and Isaac. It begins, “God put Abraham to the test.” I opened my homily by telling the congregation that life provides us with endless “tests,” but not once has the God of love ever thrown one our way. Not ever. “And besides,” I told them, “any father who hears God tell him to kill his son is mentally ill.” They applauded, which surprised me. I proceeded, then, to preach on the transfiguration.

Boyle’s defense of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence—all gay men who sometimes dress in “mock wimples worn by nuns in 1954”—for their “considerable service and charitable works” will likely outrage more conservative religious folks. This book truly is for people who are open to the idea that everyone has value.

Boyle’s God is the God of second chances (and third and fourth…). Reading about his metaphysics made me think of the idea of ‘turning the other cheek’—that this might not mean what I’ve always thought it meant (be a punching bag) but rather is just another way of saying forgive seven x seventy times. But there is an important progress to this that doesn’t include allowing people to take advantage of others. For example, at Homeboy, if people test positive for drugs or have other relapses, they are sent out and told, “Come back to us when you’re ready [sober, etc.].” This understanding of human relationships extends to all people. Of Donald Trump, Boyle says that no mentally well person would be that malignant narcissist and sociopath, so we have to feel for him in his mental illness. But he also notes that a person that ill should not be handed the Presidency of the United States.

Boyle’s writing style is epigrammatic. It reminds me of R. W. Emerson in that you can pull quotes, sentences from within the same paragraph, that encapsulate different ideas. (“People don’t become homeless because they run out of money…They become homeless because they run out of relationships.”) As in past books, Boyle tells anecdotes about the former gang members who have been helped at Homeboy. There are some “I’m not crying, you’re crying” moments once again, but there are some laugh out loud stories as well. When Boyle when to Washington D.C. to receive the Medal of Freedom this year:

A homie sends me a congratulatory text: “I heard you got a presidential pardon … or some shit like that.” A home girl, Ivy, stands in for me at a luncheon talk at which she says, “Father Greg couldn’t be here today because he’s at the White House being knighted.” 

If you love language, you’ll enjoy some of the words Homeboy workers make up to suit the circumstance. A few favorites:

”I feel belongance.”

When Steve Avalon’s encounters a homie who manipulates, he calls him a “shenanigizer.”

Literary folks, you’ll like this: in listing his beliefs, Boyle quotes George Saunders: “Kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything.”

Posted in Biography/Memoir, Faith-Based/Religious Element, Human Rights Issues, Non-fiction | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment